Lilly Day 3 - 
The Ups and Downs of Relationship Building

So yesterday we had a lot of great ups and some more downs. This is the way it is with building relationships. The trainer I am working with said it is normal for really confident horses to get worse before they get better. I just have to stick with it. 

Here is what happened today. 

With patience and calmness we got closer to her accepting me holding her head. But more important I was able to put the medicine in both eyes!!!

She does NOT LIKE me holding her head and she is very strong when pulling her head up or pushing in to me. I don’t know how to hold on the her head while she is failing it all around.

So we focused on getting her to let me touch her all over her face. Cover her eyes, rub her eyes, and eventually put the ointment in. I warmed it up with my body heat so it wouldn’t be cold when I put it in. It definitely was not perfect but I got it in. I get to practice 13 more times

Another success was I brought my flag and stood my ground with her food. I waved my flag and she was like “what?!?” I might have earned some “herd mate” points today. She did NOT like it. She danced around and around and kicked her feet (very far away from me) and her whole body language was one of “what?!?” “Your not the boss of me” but I stayed very calm - but very high energy and just kept repeating “this is my space” “you can’t come into my space” finally she gave me her ears as she was standing in front of me and I dropped my energy and allowed her to come forward!

I felt so safe and confident! Like a boss mare!

One thing I really did today was listen to my gut. For example

I didn’t have her on the lead rope when I demanded my space.

I also put the ointment in her eyes when she was at liberty

She has very strong opinions and is very determined.

I’m gonna keep trying “my way” of putting the ointment in. But after that try to get her to be calm when I hold her head. But I’m gonna need help - so I’ll record a video so you can tell me what I’m doing wrong. I know I’m doing something wrong!

So the first time was a success. I felt such a feeling of confidence. But that was dashed when I tried it again in the evening. 

Tried it again tonight to keep her out of my space and she didn’t respond in the same way.

This time she turned her back to me to kick me and I said “hay” loud and she would stop - but she definitely needed the fence between us tonight

 I’m sure it didn’t help that my flag broke twice - lol

She is so smart. She’s also trying to unlock the her paddock now. She has seen me open the chain and she is now mouthing the chain when she knows I have the supplements.

I managed to get her fed and she did eventually turn toward me and give me both ears for a split second.

I also got her eye ointment in again - was more challenging tonight. She didn’t want to relax like she did this morning.

I don’t want to assign human emotions to her - what do you think is going on 

Gabriele Neurohr

?

She is really giving me a run for my money. I don’t think anything is going to be easy with my girl!

Got to keep at it.

I felt defeated again at the end of the session. But this morning I have renewed energy to try again. My trainer said

Awesome! Well done to listen to your gut as well. Stroking the face is a pre-requisit before holding the face. Well done for braking it down into even smaller steps. I can imagine that she is strong already... I just got a 15 month old half draft colt in and he also has some issues with personal space and pulling people around. small but very strong due to the big neck and head.

Super well done for the feeding routine and standing your ground calmly yet assertive. Let her have her tantrum, wait it out until she is calm - just like you did. This is key: to wait with calm strong presence until the horse joins the calm.

Of course she won't "like" this in the beginning - just like a kid doesn't like it when mum turns off the TV and sends her to do homework.

It's not a question about liking something - it's about teaching functional behaviour for living in humans world. She will learn to relax about it if you stay relaxed and clear about it.

and she also said

It can happen that horses challenge even more the second or even the third time - especially if it's about breaking habits. Maybe her breeder ignored and even caused the pushy behaviour. Would you have a more solid stick where you can attach a flag to? I know most of the flags you can buy are not solid enough. They are ok to use on a sensitive horse - but not if you need to use it on a very disrespectful insensitive horse.

I think you did excellent to go behind the fence and work from a safe distance. You still managed to stop the kicking and to get the ears forward. Your safety is always priority number 1.

So I know that I am making progress. It is true in my life that nothing ever comes easy. I know that all this hard work will pay off. I know that eventually we will have a great relationship. The beginning is just so hard. I know that I am responsible for the kind of relationship that we have. The burden is on me. I have to stay consistent. I can not give up - even if it is easier to give up. If I give up then our relationship will also be unsafe. So I just have to keep at it. So here is to day 4 with my girl Lilly.