Day 26 November 7, 2020 
Breakthrough

In the morning - Lilly was very sleepy after our session. These are the pictures right before I left as she is falling asleep. 

I have spent the last 26 days trying to get Lilly to be patient and respect boundaries during feed time. It has created a lot of stress for both of us. Thankfully horses do not hold grudges and as soon as she gets the food she is fine. I was not fine. I was stressed, worried, exhausted, and anxious. Horses live in the moment. Humans do not. So what do I think was happening? Why so much conflict and stress? 

Lilly wanted food. She is a horse. She is a very young horse. All she understood was that I was KEEPING her from getting her food. This caused her to feel anxious, fearful, irritated, desperate to get to her food. She could not learn in that state. She could not understand what I was wanting her to do. Her mind was on the FOOD. It was not on me. So how do I help a young, immature horse realize that I am not preventing her from getting her food. That I am just wanting us both to be safe. How do I not make it a battle I WILL NOT win because she is huge and just going to get bigger. 

My online trainer suggested I put a fence back between us and only give her her food when she asked politely. I agree that this will keep me safe. But the problem is - her feed container is so large I can not easily give it to her. I also do not want her seeing me as keeping her FROM her food - but as the person giving her her food. 

So I thought and thought about what I could do. It is good that humans can think and plan ahead. Horses do not. They live in the moment. So how could I make feeding time a GOOD moment for both of us? What I was doing was NOT working. 

I had an idea. I would have the closed bucket of food on one side of the fence. I would have her EMPTY slow feed container on the other side of the fence. I would walk her to her slow feeder and let her go straight to it. Than I would wait on the opposite side of the fence. Holding the rope. Letting it out, pulling it back in so she could walk freely around - but not be able to go around the fence. I would wait. I would wait until she could think. I would wait until I saw a small change in her behavior. I would wait. My trainer said humans wait for 30 seconds before we get impatient. Horses wait for 2 min. So I would wait. I would wait and wait until she had a change in her behavior. 

So I did some connection work in the pasture with her. We walked around. She ate her hay. I rubbed her itchy spots. I did some cleaning (eyes, girl parts, tail - more on this later). We relaxed together. We practiced more GENTLE backing up strategies (more on this later). I invited her to put the halter on. She did not want to. Than I invited her again and she agreed. Than we practiced leaving the pasture. Before we left we practice more gentle backing up. She likes to push on me at the pasture gate so we practice her backing up her a few time with a gentle hand on her nose. It worked and she backed up a few times so got lots of praises and scratches. Then we practiced pivoting around the gate. She is doing better with that. I am doing better letting the lead rope out so I am not pulling her too me as she swings around. We are both getting so much better at communicating with this activity. 

Then I walked her to her slow feeder. I let her walk immediately to it. She was like "where is my food" as she was investigating where her food went I was able to slowly walk around to the other side of the gate. Still holding her lead rope. Then I watched her and waited. She was very confused and she got more and more confused as I waited. She looked high and low for her food. She paced. She went back and forth. She smelled and licked her slow feeder. She tried to go around the fence. I did not let her by just shortening the lead rope without pulling on it and let her hit the end of the lead rope and as she went away to the other side let the lead rope out so she could have rope to walk around. She walked and walked. As she lost some of her higher energy looking for the food I opened the bucket. 

That caused a reaction. Now she KNEW where the food was. It was on the other side of the fence. But because the fence was there she did not try to barge and get it. She gently reached her nose under the fence trying to reach it. But she could not. So than she spent some time trying to do that. I just patiently waited. She paced some more. She tried to reach the food. She was thinking and thinking - "how do I get my food" finally after waiting what seemed like forever - but my emotions were awesome. I was peaceful and not stressed at all. She stop still and I gently called her name and she pointed her ears at me for a split second and I rewarded her. I said, "good girl - that's my good girl" and poured her food into the slow feeder. Getting it on her head because her head was in the way (we will work on that - probably just give her a little and than give her the rest when I do not have to pour it on her head - lol). She was so peaceful when she started eating. Not her normal desperate gobbling it down. It was the calmest she has ever been eating at the beginning. She ate her food and I was so happy. I made a video to celebrate my achievement. 

I think I found my solution! The best part of all is how WE FEEL! She did not feel deprived of her food. She did not get upset with me keeping her from her food. She MIGHT learn how to ask for her food. She MIGHT learn that waiting patiently brings her food to her. She might learn these things. No longer are we going to fight over going to her food. I am going to wait and wait and wait until there is a change in her behavior for the better and reward her with getting her food. 

This is my plan. The best thing about the difference between horses and humans - humans can plan. Horses live in the moment. If I can make plan to make the moments she is feed positive I can retrain her to help her understand the positive behavior that gets her food. 

I feel like I have made a breakthrough. 

Lilly is the kind of horse where being told what to do does not work for her. I also want us to have a partnership. I want us to work together. I want her to understand that I am the person that can help her get what she wants. 

So we will keep trying this way. Hopefully every day will bring new victories. I am willing to be patient. I have 3 weeks of incorrect learning to overcome. I am hoping it does not take 3 weeks of relearning - but I am willing to be patient and give her the time it takes so we can have a safe and harmonious relationship around food!